Sex Therapy Questions:
What is sex therapy and how is it different from traditional talk therapy?
It’s a great question, and one that gets asked often! Sex therapy can feel and look similar to talk therapy, but the biggest difference is that the presenting problem typically has a sexual component. Some of our clients come in for a specific physical concern, such as difficulty achieving orgasm or a sharp decrease in arousal, and work alongside a sex therapist to explore the potential factors influencing the issue.
Other clients seek out sex therapy when they are navigating a change in their relationships, either within themselves or with a partner. A sex therapist is trained to sit alongside clients as they begin to unpack all of the pieces that form their sexual identity. We recognize that this can be a difficult topic, one that often brings up challenging feelings, and the space we create together is meant to build safety around conversations about sex.
Even if the presenting problem you’re experiencing is not directly sex-specific, working with a sex therapist may widen your perspective on how it might be influenced by things such as gender and sex. I often work with people who want to process trauma, grief, depression and anxiety; when those clients also hold a sexual minority identity, having a sex therapist who gets it can be impactful in the work.
What are some of the most common issues or problems that your clients bring to you as a sex therapist?
Due to my specialty, many of my clients come in when they’re dealing with a change in their relationship. Specifically, they or their partner may be expressing a desire to open up the relationship or to incorporate elements of kink into their sex life. When this happens, a wide range of feelings can come up. These feelings often turn into really difficult questions, such as: “Am I not good enough?” or “Is what I desire wrong?”
I work with clients to explore where those messages are coming from, and which of them might be worth releasing. For clients exploring non-monogamy and kink, they have often received messaging throughout their lives that their desires are wrong. My goal as their therapist is to create a space where their curiosity is seen as brave, and where we can figure out what is “right” for them, together.
In addition to working with non-monogamy and kink-related topics, I also work with clients who have experienced trauma and are noticing how the coping patterns they learned are now playing out in their relationships. Utilizing the body during things like pleasure or sex and trauma processing are deeply connected to the mind–body relationship, so it makes sense that sex-focused therapy can often lead us into conversations about past experiences and early learning.
Is there anything else one should know before pursuing sex therapy?
Talking about sex is incredibly vulnerable. Doing so in a therapy space can feel like a double dose of vulnerability, which can be intimidating. Creating safety and ensuring that consent is present at every step is central to the work of sex therapy. You should never feel pressured, intimidated, or coerced into discussing any topic in session.
If you feel unsure, or even a little scared, that’s completely understandable. Those feelings themselves can be a meaningful place to begin. And if you have lingering questions or are wondering whether sex therapy is the right fit for you, please feel free to reach out. We can explore together whether working together feels like a fit.