What is Relational Power?

Someone much wiser than me once said, “The only real power is relational power.” It’s a statement that has stayed with me for years. Relational power is defined as “the ability to influence others by utilizing the strengths found within the relationship.” Let’s explore this through a specific example.

John and Fred have been close friends for quite some time. One day, John’s car breaks down, and he decides to call Fred for help. Fred, exhausted and about to take a nap, chooses instead to get up and drive to John’s location. Why does Fred decide to help, rather than leave John to manage on his own?

Relational power. Fred cares about John because of the bond they share. While Fred might not have offered help to a stranger in the same situation, his relationship with John makes the choice an easy one.

In this example, John and Fred seem to be operating from relatively equal levels of power. However, dynamics can become more complex when one person holds more perceived power than the other. When someone in a relationship has greater access, authority, or privilege, it introduces a new layer to the power dynamic. For instance, if John were Fred’s teacher or therapist, Fred might feel an added pressure to help not just because of their relationship, but due to John’s authority.

Understanding relational power is key to unpacking how relationships function. Often, people unconsciously keep a sort of ledger.. doing favors like offering a ride, then expecting something in return down the line. By pausing to reflect on the relational dynamics influencing our choices, we gain insight into the motivations behind our actions. And when we understand those motivations, our relationships can grow stronger.

Contact Kathy today if you'd like to explore how power dynamics may be influencing your relationships.